Mt. Si at dusk. I can't quite capture the light on the Mountain with my crappy camera. I've been crabby today not wanting to do all my weekend chores. This view makes it all worthwhile

Life in Bum *&%$ Egypt

I was born and raised in Bellevue. I lived there for 39 years. I was used to all the affluence and slightly holier than thou attitude of the residents. Heck, I may have had a touch of it myself..... Totally unwarranted and misguided as I have never had any trace of the money most in Bellevue have but maybe I was a bit of an eastside snob.

I remember going to Seattle as a teenager with my best friend Beth and being good with it for about 3 hours but then needing my quiet eastside. There were no bums in Bellevue, no disaffected youth...that was allowed in public. The two places we went to gawk were Broadway and the Market. We tried to fit in and look unimpressed but eventually ran back to safe old Bellevue.

Well two years ago someone pulled me out of safe old Bellevue, Mark. I met him and he lived in Noth Bend...wha the f? No one lives in North Bend. It's so far...sigh. What's in North Bend? I resisted for months making him come to me. He finally put his foot down and made me start coming to him. It made sense. I had a roommate he didn't. At first I only would come out here on the weekend and then more and more.

It's different than Bellevue here. It's pretty strange actually. I was thinking about writing this blog while outside with Lola tonight having her last potty break of the day. In Bellevue when we would go out at night there were lights and sounds. Here it's absolutely silent and dark. If I shine my flashlight in any bush at any time I can see critter eyes shining back at me. They are there all the time. I don't know what they are but I learned to take Lola out on a leash at night otherwise she will take off running after noises.

In the morning we walk down the half mile road for Lola's first potty walk of the day.

This is what we usually see most winter mornings, Elk. They are HUGE! At first it was a little scary walking towards them....will they charge? Be angry? Lola was freaked! But we learned that if we keep walking they will politely step off the road into the bushes. You pass them by and can smell them and hear them waiting for you. If you look back you can see they will step back into the road after you pass. That never happened in Bellevue.

It's difficult to cook out here. I'm not all that adventurous but once in awhile I like to try something new. I made Beef Wellington for Mark but could I find Pate in North Bend? Nope. Veal for Jagerschnitzel? Nope. Agave nectar? Nah. Light and dark sesame oil? Uh uh. I could go on but you get the picture.

Which brings me to the other oddity. Everyone writes checks! Invariably I get behind someone in the grocery line who pulls out a checkbook and writes a check...huh? Hasn't the 21st century made it out here to the boonies?

So Lola and I aren't in Bellevue anymore but for as much as I never thought I'd leave I like it here.

More Kitties

Panic Attacks

Have you ever had one? I remember when and where I was when I had my first one. I was 31 and driving to a hair appointment. I never drove my beater Honda on the freeway. The excuse was that it was old and might break down. Now I realize I had a fear of driving. I don't know why. I had one fender bender in High School but never anything major.

So I was taking the back roads out to Tiger Mountain in Issaquah. I had just turned left on to Eastlake Sammamish Road. You know right by the Fred Meyer? WHAMMO! I thought I was going to die. The back of head, hands and face went numb. My vision tunneled down to a pinpoint. I couldn't breathe and my heart beat very very fast. Now I know I probably was so fearful of driving that I hyperventilated, at the time I had no idea. I just thought I was going to die.

I don't like to draw attention to myself. So there were no histrionics. I just kept repeating "you're okay you're okay you're okay" until I got to my appointmentand then I was okay...or so I thought. What happened was that I became afraid of the next attack. I've read since that some can have one attack and not have another but some worry excessively about it happening again. THAT doesn't help because of course you worry yourself into another one. Over and over and over again.

You wonder where it will be? Who will be around? If you like to be strictly in control (like me) will I be able to control myself? So you start avoiding places where you don't feel you can escape quickly. My big thing was driving. I couldn't do it. There had to be a shoulder, or an exit or a way out. See panic attacks are like your "fight or flight" is broken. You feel a need to flee...all the time. So your world shrinks. I think I was somewhat agoraphobic for a time. My only saving grace was that I was poor. I had to go to work.

After a three day long panic...horrible, I finally went to the doctor about 4 months after that first panic. They gave me Xanax. Ahhh sweet relief. I understand downer addicts completely. Eventually I ended up on Paxil but it killed my sex life, the mind was willing but the flesh unresponsive. Made me gain 7o pounds in about six months. I slept almost constantly, ground my teeth...well it was awful.

We switched to Wellbutrin and I was horribly sad. I cried over Kodak commercials. Celexa worked the best but I still felt like a slug. Eventually it was decided I couldn't take an everyday antidepressant and my doctor put me on Clonazepam to take only when the anxiety was particularly high. It worked for me and eventually I didn't need it at all.

I credit Lola for forcing me to interact and get out everyday as well as inspiring a career change as the final catalyst to change. I think I was ultimately very self centered. I mean that in the way that I was thinking and worrying too much about me. When I got her I started to think less about me and more about other things.

I am so glad that chapter in my life is over

Funnneeeeeee!

Okay so I've talked about Newton before. He is our "special needs" cat. Chewed off several inches of his own tail thinking it was an attacker. He's sweet. Everyone loves him. I could take him out on a leash and he would be perfectly happy to say hello to any and all. He's big, not so much in weight but in space occupied.

He has some quirks. One is the arch and run. He all of sudden will decide he has an appointment in the other room, arch up like a Halloween kitty and run sideways into the next room. He startles everyone when he does this... including the dog. Lola considers him to be competition, I think. Bismarck is her cuddle friend. Aknot is a little scary but Newton needs to be watched. She will rush to her bones if he passes too quickly. Growl if he jumps too near...he blunders into her frequently.

So last night Mark was working on the new dining room. He had one of those big portable lights on a stand that you use working on construction. Lola was in the room with him sniffing all the smells of a new room. They both cast long shadows when they passed the light. Suddenly Newton careened into the room. Apparently he had spied Lola's shadow and decided to attack it. He rushed across the floor straight at her, paws scrabbling against the wood floor. Lola saw him coming and tried to get out of the way but that only made the shadow move and Newton try harder. He attacked again and Lola snarled not quite sure what the heck was going on.

We laughed and separated the two, putting Newton back in the other room. A few seconds later Newton lurched back sideways into the room resuming his cat blitz on the offending shadow. Lola didn't know what to do, tried her best to be diplomatic and dodge the cat bullet but Newton was determined. Finally Newton forgot what he was doing a scampered back into the other room. Boy do I wish I'd had my video camera

Empathy

I have an overabundance of it. I can really feel others pain so keenly that I can't cope sometimes. It's also the reason why I end up taking in human strays and get myself in trouble for it It has gotten to the point that I have to be careful about getting involved in others problems.things that aren't my problem can still keep me up at night...haunt me.

Mark is the opposite. I think he missed the empathy line somehow. Okay maybe I'm exaggerating slightly but where I got too much he seems to have received too little. It may be a man thing but sometimes he seems not to care when something is wrong...wants me to "get over it" quickly. Now he will do anything to help me make a plan to do so but really can't emotionally talk about it.

So he pisses me off. I wish I could get to him feel whatever I'm feeling sometimes so that he'd understand. One of our constant fights is that when we go to be he immediately becomes a brick and I have to "get comfortable". Now I wish I could immediately become comatose but this is my sleep pattern for 41 years and I can't change it for him. I broke my tailbone twice (I don't recommend it), have arthritis in one toe and plantar faciitis in the other foot. Sometimes comfort takes me awhile. Evil as this might sound I wish I coud zap him with my pain for one night so maybe just maybe he'd understand.

Evil me but sigh he can be such a big butthead sometimes.

Like tonight..can you tell?

Such a Princess!!

Ok I'll admit it I'm a bit of a princess. I HATE dirty hands...hate it hate it hate! I have little vanity except when it comes to my hands. I even got a couple offers to hand model. Funnily enough it was about the same time as George on Seinfeld got his offer:) I thought it might make me neurotic so I didn't do it.

So today I taped and mudded the new Master bedroom. I like to do my part with this whole house remodel thing but so far I haven't been able to do a lot because all of what he has done involves great physical strength...which I don't really have. I can't lift a 300 lb beam above my head. So now the finish work starts and I can do something.

Oh my God I hated it...in my head. Goopy gross hands the entire time. I don't like gardening for the same reason. I can cook and bake without a problem, its dirt... I think. Anyway i did it as fast as possible and washed and moisturized;) Doesn't it look fabulous?

Proposition 8

So i've been following closely comments on craigslist about prop 8. These are a sampling of comments. Up until now I have been arguing with EVERY SINGLE foul opinion :) because I'm geared that way. But what is they say? If you win an argument on the internet you're still a loser? So I've stopped but just look at some of this crap!!! Grrrrrrrrrr. Oh and I love when one of the anti gays sounds like an illiterate idiot....does my little heart good and doesn't move their case for proreation forward much

I could not be happier that gays are not allowed to marry in California. In fact I think the ones that got married should be striped of the marriage that was performed. How can gays have children. It was not set up that way. Thats why only men and women can have children. It will never pass in Washington. Washington State is to conceded to allow that kind of sickness. I hear people (gays) saying thats the way they were born. Bulls**t. Its a choice and a bad one at that........


Makes no sense. You DON'T deserve rights because you are homosexual. Plain and simple. You DO deserve the SAME INALIENABLE rights as spelled out in the Consititution, just as all Free Americans deserve INALIENABLE rights! Illegal aliens DON'T deserve rights here until and UNLESS you BECOME an AMERICAN CITIZEN! Get it? GOOD!

Straight people need to decide, do you want to live in a country where the radical "right wing Christian agenda" dictates your life? Believe me, if they could, they would mess with you too. Do you like birth control? They don't. Do you like the freedom to have sex outside of marriage? They don't. I could go on, but you see my point. Straight people need to join the fight and help their fellow brothers and sisters out now, before it's too late.

If the separation of church and state means anything, it must include the idea that people cannot be forced by the government to live according to the dictates of others’ religion. Just because one or many groups consider something sacred doesn’t mean that everyone must be forced to do so as well. Just because one or many religious groups consider same-sex marriage a sacrilege doesn’t mean that everyone else must be forced to define marriage in a way that would exclude gay couples. It also isn’t good enough for people to argue that same-sex marriage is against God’s will — it’s fine if churches teach this, but no government is under any obligation to legislate in a manner that is consistent with what what any church interprets God’s will to be. That would be the very essence of what it means to live in a theocracy. Marriage does not exist in order to further any mandates from anyone’s gods. Marriage does not exist simply in order to encourage and protect procreation. Marriage does not exist because it is a “natural” function. No, marriage exists because society finds that it is valuable and worthy to encourage and protect committed, intimate relationships that are pursued over an extended period of time. As an institution, marriage helps provide legal protection and stability to human relationships that might not otherwise survive problems and pressures under more informal terms. Financial and social benefits are thus conferred upon marital relationships because their long-term stability furthers general social stability. So far, no government has suggested that any religious groups be forced to perform and recognize gay marriages - that’s the flip-side of the separation of church and state and is as it should be. Just as the government is not obligated to define marriage along religious lines, religious groups are not obligated to define marriage along civil lines. Marriage within a religion might be conceived as having been authored by God, but that is not and cannot be the starting basis for civil society. In civil society, marriage is authored by secular laws voted upon by representatives of the people and as interpreted by the courts. Thus, we are the authors of civil marriage - religion no longer plays any essential role.

queers just one more queer we don't need to wory about being around our kids.queers, pedofiles,child molesters.i don't see a dif.protesters against prop 8 set the cal fires.it's all over the news.

Wow!

This first video was taken at about 7:30 am.

This next one was taken a half hour later at 8:00 am

Then again at 11:30

Then about noon we went to Snoqualmie falls

As a friend would say wow...wow...wow

Casino's

(or why I hate them)

Until last summer I had never been to a casino before. Can you believe it? I'm 41 years old and I had never been to Vegas, never gambled? Part of it is that I've always been poor and couldn't afford it. Plus it seemed terribly dumb to me to throw my money away like that.

So last June Mark and I stopped by the Tulalip on the way home from a road trip up North to the Grizzley warehouse...a tool store... another story in itself. He adores buffets and raved about how great they are in Vegas. So we stopped and both thought it was mediocre. I decided to try a penny slot and it was over in seconds. I thought I'd get a 100 tries silly me.

So last weekend the Snoqualmie Casino opened up a mere few miles from us. For months we'd heard about it. It was supposed to be a different kind of Casino. No sign of it from the highway.. so no neon tackiness. It must blend into the trees in brush...so beautiful architecture. Five restaurants, better ventilation, a venue for concerts and on and on. We thought it would be great and Mark was looking forward to the buffet.

So we didn't go Thursday, opening day, too crowded. We tried Friday at 4:30 but the line for the buffet snaked out the door and around the casino. A friend went Saturday and said they ran out of food...huh? So we went tonight.

Tuesday night was busy! I aways pictured casino's being glamorous but most were dressed way down. Or maybe it was polyester night? We paid our 29.95 each for the buffet to a bored inattentive cashier (I'm very intolerant when it comes to bad customer service. I did it for nearly 20 years and it's easy to be good) and walked the buffet. Boy was that disgusting. Frozen vegetables barely defrosted, wilted lettuce and mystery dressing at the salad bar. Huge slabs of over-cooked steak in this line...HUGE HUGE HUGE obscene really. Petrified enchiladas and Pizza from the middle ages over there. No chicken, pasta with no sauce. Broken ice cream machine (sad for Mark) again inattentive waitresses. I never complain when it comes to food until I'm leaving however. Have you ever known a waiter? Don't let them tell you what they do.

So we leave and weave our way through the casino. It smells like a wet ashtray. As a former smoker I still LOVE the way cigarette smoke smells but this was disgusting and after only days. So much for the ventilation. I felt like if I were an epileptic I would have had a seizure with all the noise and lights.

But the worst part to me is no one looked happy. I thought this would be a place where people had fun. They all looked sad. The cocktail waitresses were smooshed into boob baring costumes and looked cold and miserable. The dealers looked harried and stressed. The patrons sat in front of the slot machines pulling the handles, smoking and staring straight ahead. The poker room looked to me like a room full of people who were on the verge of losing everything.... their eyes haunted.

So I don't want to go back I'm depressed now. Sorry Travis we would love to host you and Curtis at our new favorite restaurant or even the Salish but I don't want to ever step foot in that place again.

Girlfriends

So I'm sure everyone has had this conversation...but I'm curious. I have my same sex girlfriends if I were to do go that way....Mariska Hargitay, Angelina Jolie and strangely enough Sela Ward. Boy do I have a type or what? My girl crushes. So who is your crush if you played for the other team?

Rainy Day

Pineapple Express

This is what happens when you remodel and the Pineapple Express rolls through. Leaks! Six upstairs in one room, two in another and two in the laundry room. They all ran away whe I took the picture but the cats are facinated and horrified. They have rarely been outside in their lifetimes so the rain indoor is curious :)

Mt Si. this morning out my back window.

A New Day

Well this is the first day in two years that I don't have to go Medina and be abused. I love it! Slept in til 7, made a big breakfast for Mark and will have time to do the elliptical before I leave the house about 10;30. Of course I am going to actively pursue other avenues but maybe take a week to sleep in :)

Yesterday I showed up for my two days a week with the rich dogs and the gate was padlocked and no one answered their phone. So I thought "maybe this is her way of firing me" I wasn't very surprised. I'm pretty sure she was waiting for me to beg and I didn't. So I finally got a hold of her and told her the gate was locked. She said "what do you want me to do". I said "open the gate?" She said "well I can't do that" even though there are automated keypads throughout the house. So I got fed up and said "Sheryl do you just want me to go home?" Finally she called the property manager and made me idle by the door until he fought his way through traffic and let me in. I was honestly a bit disappointed :) But really I feel like she has lost her power over me. I no longer rely on her for a big chunk of my income (at it's highest point about 3000 a month for two hours a day) I think she knows that too and she's trying other ways to control me.

So I'm going to update my website, print more brochures and starting pounding the pavement. I need to cultivate more sources of referrals...vets, groomers, pet stores, etc. Most fun is that I'm going to Echo Glenn tomorrow to check out their program. Have a good day all