Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Do not read if you have a weak stomach or are eating

The above video is of two new clients Graham and Daisy. Most of the time I feel superior to you working stiffs. "I am doing what I love" I think while wearing a smug smile. "Ha ha ha look at all those suckers going to an office everyday". I muse disdainfully to myself.

Then the universe gives my uppity ass a reality check. Today was one of those days. Today I detested dogs, wanted nothing to do with another four legged friend again.

Here's why...
These dogs are Weineramers. Most people know them from the William Wegman pictures.

He made them seem pliable, calm and almost human. They aren't by any stretch of the imagination. They are large game hunting dogs orginally from Germany. They are protective, territorial and can be aggressive if not socialized early. They are not "beginning"dogs. High energy and intelligent they can be a handful. They bark and run very fast.

They aren't my favorite breed, I'll admit. So twice a week I pick up these two dogs, put them in the car and take them to a very nearly vertical forest service road and let them run off their beans for an hour. It's exhausting. Every time I get to the house they attack. Jumping, barking and the female jumps on top of the male humping like a horny sailor.

Today was no different. I got there and was immediately attacked.Fending them off I leashed them off while pushing the female off the male about ten times. I threw them in the back of my car and took off. On the way to the trail we saw a doe and two small fawns. I paused to watch and was hit from behind by two snarling spitting barking beasts. The deer ran off. I pulled up to the trail and managed to get both beasts out of the car.

Once on the trail I have to let them drag me several hundred feet before taking off their leashes. Once I do they take off and I have a small amount of peace. Not today. I released the hounds of hell and they took off. I walked sighing to myself when all of a sudden I was NINJA HUMPED the female came crashing out of the forest hit me from behind and furiously went at my back. This is an 80 pound dog. I managed to get loose and kept going. She tried it FOUR MORE TIMES!! The last time I threw her five feet off the trail with a growl into some blackberry bushes.

We kept going. I realized there were workers on the trail. The dogs have "excellent recall" ah huh. I call they don't come.They attack the workers with tongues and paws.Fortunately they are good natured and we move on. We get to the bottom of the trail and there is a man with a Boxer who he says is afraid of other dogs. They won't come..I am mortified. I resort to turning tail and running into the forest to get them to chase me. They do and the female attempts another hump. At this point I growl (literally) an she stops.

We head back up the trail. When we get almost to point where I know the workers are I see the dogs off the trail eating something........ Oh god, is it something dead? I wish...

See apparently one of the workers had a call of nature. It happens, no judgement on my part. But now it's being enthusiastically consumed. Fighting my stomach I swat them away from it and get them going again. They run ahead to say hello to the workers. I round the bend to see one of the workers allowing the dogs to lick his face....

I drove them home with my head out the window.

Today I hated my job